"Sometimes I feel so misunderstood – I’m trying so hard because I want my partner and family to know how much I love them, but when I do this, they become angry and say I’m not present. I think it’s because I’m so busy trying hard to show them."

"I want to have a relationship, but a lot of the time I feel scared to the point of being phobic about talking to people – even my family or friends."

"I feel so ashamed because sometimes I shout and snap when my partner is trying to be kind to me, then I feel unworthy of love, which strangely tends to make me feel needy."

Can you relate to any of these statements? Or perhaps you have your own struggle that seems to repeat itself when it comes to relational dynamics.

My personal experience of ADHD, alongside my daily contact with family and clients who also have ADHD, tells me one thing for sure: we are often emotionally sensitive, have a HUGE capacity to love, and a strong desire to share it. So why is it so tricky?

Navigating Emotional Sensitivity and Communication with ADHD

One thing that can affect relationships is that, emotionally, we can be incredibly perceptive of others' emotions, but equally struggle to regulate our own. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed and sometimes miscommunicating how we’re feeling—either by blurting out energised rants, or, conversely, going silent. Many of us also struggle with rejection sensitivity, which can result in either holding back how we truly feel out of fear, or trying too hard and burning out.

Another challenge in relationships is our attention deficit, which can appear as zoning out during long or difficult conversations, or becoming distracted by another task that seems urgent in the moment. Often when this happens, we are simply unaware of how we are coming across, which can feel sad, embarrassing, or shameful in the moment.

With ADHD, we also have a tendency to overthink and fixate on aspects of communication. This can leave us ruminating and second-guessing how others feel—something that rarely helps us make sense of things, and can often lead to anxiety and overly self-critical thoughts.

So, is it impossible to have healthy relationships when you have ADHD? Not at all!

So yes—relationships can be challenging, but there are so many qualities that come with ADHD that are great for relationships, including:

• Loving
• Sensitive
• Spontaneous
• Imaginative
• Creative
• Fun
• Quick to forgive

So, although challenging, we can make great partners, parents, children, and friends; and just like everyone, we have room for growth and development, which is deeply rewarding in a relational space.

Some tips for navigating challenges in relationships:

• Take time for yourself and prioritise self-care to help with overall emotional regulation.
• Learn small mindfulness techniques, such as breathing exercises, doodling, or light movement.
• Set specific times for important conversations, with a time limit, to ensure that information and emotions are contained. If there are important topics to discuss, plan beforehand what’s most important to say, so that key points are kept succinct.
• Ask trusted family or friends for feedback on your communication. This can sting, but it’s a gift that enables you to learn ways to develop communication and self-awareness, helping to prevent misunderstandings.
• Talk with a therapist. Therapy can provide a great space to explore and understand your emotions, and practise expressing them in a way that fosters greater understanding.

Further Reading:

Gina Pera: Is it You, Me or Adult A.D.D?
Pia Mellody: Facing Co-Dependency