For those of us who have been diagnosed with ADHD as adults, it has often been a long and sometimes challenging journey. At times, it may feel like it’s never going to happen or perhaps isn’t even that important in the grand scheme of things.

For me, I was fortunate enough to have the support to seek a private assessment, as NHS waiting lists seemed impossibly long, and my own self-belief left me wondering if I was credible enough to warrant one.

For many, a long wait, the expensive choice of private healthcare, or doubts from oneself or others may make being diagnosed with ADHD an arduous trek. While this struggle is well-publicised, what I hear discussed less often is what actually happens once we have received this diagnosis.

What difference does it really make? How will this knowledge change my life?

All of these have been questions I’ve had—and I still don’t have all the answers. However, what I do know is that diagnosis is part of a lifetime’s journey. It can bring knowledge that makes sense of the past and, importantly, ease the path forward.

The Mixed Feelings That Can Come with an ADHD Diagnosis

When I received my own diagnosis of ADHD, it came as quite a surprise. This seems strange as I reflect, because surely the very fact I sought an assessment indicated that I thought I had the condition?

The answer to this is both yes and no. I didn’t think I had ADHD—I just thought I was emotionally reactive and perhaps forgetful and uncoordinated. My decision to seek a diagnosis came from the recommendation of a family member who has the condition and recognised the symptoms in me. So, when I received the formal diagnosis, it was still a shock.

Shock, however, was not the only emotion I experienced. I also felt a sense of relief and validation, but alongside that, a great sadness settled in.

Looking back, I recognise this sadness as belonging to a sense of grief about having this condition. For those of you who have read my blog on the process of grief, you’ll understand this as a journey filled with mixed emotions. But why does grief sometimes accompany the diagnosis of a condition like ADHD?

What Is Diagnosis Grief?

It may seem strange to consider grief as part of the process of receiving an ADHD diagnosis, but I’m starting to understand that I’m not alone in feeling this way. Many of the experiences I’ve had are often mirrored in what my clients share with me.

When I started to make sense of my diagnosis, it struck me that my life could have looked very different had I known I had ADHD earlier. School and academia might have been easier; it might have made sense why I struggled to make friends or was always the last pick for a sports team. Perhaps I wouldn’t have needed drugs or alcohol to help me feel “normal” in an adult world quite as much as I did. Reflecting on this brought sadness and anger—because with some help and small changes to the neurotypical world I grew up in, I might have flourished or been more successful.

Looking ahead, I felt angry that I might always struggle to understand and remember information or processes designed for neurotypical brains. I worried I might lose time or opportunities due to needing to learn differently or face misunderstandings in social norms that left me hurt and hesitant to try again.

All of the above felt like significant and unfair losses, leaving me feeling at times hopeless—wondering if I would ever be good enough or able to “fit in” naturally, as others seemed to.

How to Manage and Use Feelings of Grief to Your Advantage

Even writing the above reminds me of how hopeless some moments have felt. However, today I see diagnosis grief as a fantastic opportunity for growth and healing—possibly even a necessary part of the diagnosis journey.

Here’s why:

• Acceptance: Being able to grieve losses and acknowledge the hurt, sadness, and anger around them allows us to live authentically and with freedom. It also creates space for other emotions and experiences.
• Accessing help and support: We all, whether we have ADHD or not, need help at times and have strengths and weaknesses. Learning what we’ve lost through our ADHD struggles can help us identify our needs, articulate them, and source the right support to be successful.
• Embracing strengths: Although coming to terms with my struggles and losses from ADHD has been painful at times, I’ve also come to accept my adaptability, courage, and creativity. These traits have helped me overcome challenges without support, and my tenacity has kept me from giving up.
• Making space for the unique: ADHD comes with quirks, creativity, and strengths beyond the typical! Allowing ourselves to process the sadness and anger of losses makes room to celebrate the unique individual who thinks outside the box, has huge reserves of energy, and is sensitive and quick to engage with any situation.

Conclusion

Overall, I am truly thankful for my ADHD diagnosis. It has allowed me to make life easier through the education and treatment I’ve received. It has also helped me explain my differences and needs to friends, family, and employers.

If you are considering an assessment for ADHD or are newly diagnosed and would like support to make sense of what comes next, why not reach out and explore how therapy can help?