When I start to notice Christmas being advertised and the Christmas stock coming out, im firstly shocked that its nearly that time of year again and then start to feel overwhelmed with all the things I need to plan, buy and do before hand, let alone consider how I can manage time in the holiday season.

Do I feel filled with joy and excitement? A little, but for me Christmas brings up a range of emotions including happiness, joy and anticipation, but often also sadness, anxiety, loneliness and dread in the mix too. As a therapist I know that usually the subject of loneliness will come up frequently in the lead up to Christmas which tells me it not an abnormal feeling in the festive season, but what I also notice is that its something that can also be difficult to acknowledge and talk about.

What is loneliness and why is it so prevalent at Christmas?

Loneliness is an emotional response to feeling isolated or lacking in human connection which can feel painful at times and even out of our control. Sometimes this can be a physical reality of not having other people near us, or can even be a sense of disconnection or lack of support even when we do have people around us.

Loneliness can look like:

• Living alone and having no one to talk to
• Missing a loved one we have lost through a relationship ending or death
• Not being able to connect with family or friends due to a dispute or conflict
• Feeling unsupported or unvalued by our close friends and family
• Living far away from friends or family
• Living in a culture that we are not used to
• Having an experience in life that no one we know seems to understand
• Not having commitments to enable our purpose

Although Christmas originates from a faith belief and has been a religious celebration for many, and many of the communities around the globe also uses the festive season as an opportunity to celebrate friends and family by giving and receiving and making the effort to spend time together. So there is no surprise that given the huge focus on relationships during this period that if you are experiencing any of the above during the Christmas period that it can often highlight or intensify feelings of loneliness that are already there. Furthermore, given that for many Christmas incurs extra days off and closure of many shops and facilities it can feel more isolating that usual as some of our usual sources of community may not be available to us.

How can I navigate loneliness at Christmas?

Whilst it can be an uncomfortable or painful emotion to experience there are some things we can do to help ease or lessen feelings of loneliness at Christmas which include:

• Try and let some people know how you are feeling. This doesn’t need to be a request to help, but just sharing can invite mutual feelings and allow for a sense of empathy- and times can also create a space for human connection.
• Acknowledge how you are feeling and experiment with what its like just what loneliness does feel like for you? Are there things that trigger it? Are there things that can ease it? You may find out something really helpful even if it is you are more comfortable with the emotion than you thought.
• If you are grieving a loved one or far fro the friends and family would would like be with consider whether you could still celebrate them in some way to cherish a memory or tradition.
• Check out your local Community. Most communities have additional services and invites for those spending Christmas alone, often for free or minimal cost and my experience is ALL are welcome, and furthermore welcome volunteers so you can get involved.
• Be organised. If you have an experience of feeling lonely at Christmas or know you are in circumstances that are new, or leave you feel alone, consider in advance what you can plan in day to day to help manage those feelings and get some human connection in.
• Set your own boundaries and expectations. If you find yourself in a tricky family or relational situation over Christmas consider what boundaries and expectations you can have during this time such as supportive friends to text, small activities to commit to, how to take time out if you need it and how long you are willing to spend with people.

If Christmas is highlighting to you some areas of loneliness therapy can really help work through these in the longer term and look at ways of building connection into your life, so why not reach out if you feel this could help you!

Support over Christmas:

Samaritans: www.samaritans.org
Crisis at Christmas: www.crisis.org.uk